Stock Market Prepares for Coherence Psychology Institute IPO
Constructivist stock market investors everywhere were downright giddy when it was announced today that the constructivist-oriented Coherence Psychology Institute is going public. According to multiple press reports, the price per share for the Institute’s upcoming initial public offering (IPO) will be between $12-15. For those not savvy in the workings of the stock market, an IPO marks the first time a company sells stock to the public.
“We are pleased to announce our IPO,” announced Institute director, master psychotherapist, and part-time day trader Dr. Bruce Ecker at a hastily arranged press conference, accompanied by fellow coherence therapist and institute co-director Dr. Sara Bridges. “This is a momentous day for constructivist therapists and Wall Street investors alike.”
“This IPO reflects the ever-growing success and popularity of Coherence Therapy™ and the Emotional Coherence Framework™,” added Dr. Bridges.
But why an IPO?
“Ah, that’s an easy question,” replied Dr. Bridges. “What made us decide to move forward with this IPO is that we have now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, established that Coherence Therapy™ uses the brain’s built-in process for modifying established neural circuits—what we call the Therapeutic Reconsolidation Process™. Who wouldn’t want to invest in that?”
“Besides, we also really want to get ourselves Teslas,” added Dr. Ecker, anticipating the economic windfall an IPO can bring. “They’re really cool cars and good for the environment too.”
Reaction from the constructivist community was swift and, as always, divided.
“Capitalists exploiting constructivism for personal gain!” harrumphed grouchy retired constructivist therapist Dr. Larry Leitner from his retirement villa in rural Iowa. “For goodness sake, I developed experiential personal construct therapy and it never made me a dime! Literally. Can you spare a dime?”
“How do I get me some shares?” asked wayward personal construct psychologist Dr. Greg Neimeyer, now working as the American Psychological Association’s associate executive director for continuing education. “This APA gig ain’t paying the bills. Living in DC is so much more expensive than Gainesville!”
The real question is whether, outside of the 12 documented constructivist therapists who make more than $45,000 per year, there is much of a market for a Coherence Institute IPO.
“Hmm, when did you first notice yourself worrying about whether you could afford shares?” asked Ecker, looking somber and exuding empathy. “Perhaps if I write down the cost per share on this index card, you could consult it thrice daily so that the emotional truth that you can afford it might break through.”
“Um, yeah, what he said,” added Bridges, nodding her head in agreement.
As of press time, the IPO is scheduled for April 15. Mark your calendars.